Free Style
Originally, I wasn’t gonna write a review for this flick. What is there to say besides it’s your typical underdog sports movie- and believe me, it follows the formula to a “t”- with one of the stars of “High School Musical,” I guess, stretching past that Disney franchise.
But not even 10 minutes in, the riffs starting coming fast and furious, as if this motorcross ripoff of the ’80s BMX movie “Rad” was begging for it.
Among the things posted in my Facebook status changes (’cause people need to know):
“Brian Skutle is watching “Free Style.” Say what you will about it, but “Rad” had more tension and inspiration. Did I mention I’m only a few minutes into the film?”
“”Are we white or black?” “We’re whack.” “Yes, I’ll have a CheechandChonga.” “Fartface.” My God, I’m not sure if I can last til the end. Any of the former MST3Kers wanna fly down & help me make it through this thing?”
Yes, those are actual lines from the movie. And yes, current Rifftacker Bill Corbett, as well as “Cinematic Titanic’s” own Frank Conniff, Mary Jo Pehl, and Trace Bealieu are all on my Friends list. None of them returned my call to duty, though. Thankfully, my years of MSTie watching had helped hone my own skills of cinematic riffing. (They were certainly on fire more than during “Pandorum”…)
“Now I’m watching a doppelganger for LL Cool J (actually, “HSM” star Corbin Bleu, as in Chicken Corbin Bleu…hehehe- that was added for this review; how’d I miss the chance last night) rub down his bike while a babe (latino honey Tosca Baggoo) does the same for a horse.”
To which my friend Ashlee replied, “LL Cool J is hot.” And my response? “I’ve liked him over the years. This guy? Not so much. If my mama told me to knock him out, I would faster than you can say “Deep Blue Sea.””
More keen observations:
“Wow, it’s even got a car chase, infidelity, inspirational montages, and all the thrill of watching paint dry when our hero is on the track. He even rebels against the law, Jimmy Dean style. Not James Dean the actor, but if a sausage patty had starred in “Rebel Without a Cause.” It’s too easy to make fun of this movie.”
“It’s a motorbiking “Rocky.” A young man’s “Days of Thunder.” A lame man’s “Speed Racer.””
“”We’re busting our asses for this,” so says the douchebag “best friend” to the down-on-his-luck guy working 12 damn jobs to make his dream come true. Some movies make it too easy…”
“Wow, our LL Cool J look-alike “hero” is now going all “Rudy”/”Seabiscuit” on us. When’s he gonna quote the Gipper? At this point I’d rather see him turn into the Gimper…”
Some friend’s responses to such (very) sober realizations:
“skutle you are making me wanna sit through this movie and watch it…drunk”
“Poor Corbin Bleu! He was trying so hard to get away from HSM and the Grand Lemur only wants to make fun of him. đ :):) heehee”
To the former, I’m honored, and I’m certainly up for another round with friends (shouldn’t be too difficult- I wouldn’t expect too many people coming to this thing anyway…). To the latter, what can I say? His film came within my crosshairs. He had it coming! If you were in my position, you’d be doing the same thing.
And I haven’t even gotten to the story. Simply, Cale Bryant (Bleu) has dreams of making it as a professional motorcross biker. But life is making it hard for our hero. His mother (Penelope Ann Miller- wasn’t she, like, an actress at some point?) supports him, but wants him to keep his feet on the ground as well. His sister comes out to the races, where further difficulties- like his best friend Justin Maynard (the aforementioned “douche” played by Jesse Moss) falling, and Cale giving up the win (to the mondo douchie rival Derek Black) to help his friend- cost our hero much-needed opportunities to get in the limelight.
So much to talk about. Well, make fun of. The contrivance of an injury in the family (given the film was at least partially filmed in Canada, this plotpoint could’ve easily been saved had they set it there, allowing their Universal Health Care program to let our hero save his hard-earned money. (And hard-earned it is- he takes on at least four jobs during the damn movie- how does he even have time to race?) The “oops” moment where Cale’s ex makes things difficult with his current. And don’t even get me started on the bleeping ending, which rips off, of all things, “Cars” in the way it all plays out. Yes, “Cars.”
I guess the Disney synerdy is alive and well even when one of its’ own takes to the Northwest to chase his dreams. And with a production designer named Tink, well, I don’t know what else I expected…
