Hit Team
The story for “Hit Team” is simple enough: two hitmen (Max and Ruthie, played by Myles McLane and Emerald Robinson) are in Los Angeles for a day of taking out six targets for their boss. They get themselves into some awkward situations, but they’re getting the job done, much to the pleasure of their boss Michael (Douglas Macpherson). However, later in the day, things start to go awry, leading to Michael and his men coming out to LA to take care of the pair, who now have a pair of Special Crime detectives (Roger Payano and Anita Leeman) on their tail, although how closely that pair is behind them is open for debate.
There’s an old adage that people trying to be funny are never as funny as people trying to be serious and failing. I can’t think of another film I’ve seen that proved that saying more true than this one. Written by co-star Myles McLane, and directed by Mark Newton, this film is trying to be a silly action comedy but simply comes off as grating and annoying. It’s hard to discern any real human behavior out of any of the characters in this movie because nobody comes off as human. The over-the-top mugging by the actors in this movie reminds me of the elastic faces of characters in a “Haunted House” or “_____ Movie” parody, except this film seems to want to be an honest-to-goodness genuine movie rather than a cheap parody flick like those efforts. Admirable, and I’m sure it could have been done with some different choices made, but what’s onscreen is pretty painful to watch.
To say I was more than a little dumbfounded watching this film is to put it lightly. I hate writing negative reviews, especially when I’ve been contacted by one of the filmmakers wanting me to screen the film, as was the case here. I always want to be able to give the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt, especially since I’ve tried my hand at filmmaking as well, and just in my rudimentary attempts at the medium, can tell you how difficult it is to get things right. Whatever it was these filmmakers were trying to get right with this film, though, was gotten wrong. Very wrong. And at the end, there’s an ending that feels so inexplicably based on what we know of at least ONE of the characters that it doesn’t work at all, and goes to reinforce the notion that no one in this film really acts like a normal human being.
I can say one good thing about this movie, though. There’s a moment during the climactic shootout where Michael tells Ruthie that he won’t kill her if she agrees to be his sex slave. She’s reluctant to believe him, but he persists. She isn’t having it though, and as she shoots at him she yells, “Sexually control this, you asshole!” This is one of those lines you just don’t hear in any run-of-the-mill movie, in any context, and in a film filled with crazy dialogue (not necessarily GOOD dialogue, mind you) and line readings, anything that stands out like this line does is a gift for the memory banks. And given the line in question, one hopes we can be treated to something just as hilariously tin-eared and memorable in the upcoming adaptation of “Fifty Shades of Gray.” I know better to get my hopes up too much, though; such gems only come around every once in a while, and usually from movies that have little else going for them.
You can view “Hit Team” on YouTube Pay-Per-View here.
